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not in the club

it feels like no matter how hard i try, no amount of volunteering, or showing up when i can locally or abroad, will ever give me admittance to the club.

i feel bummed. i feel like i am without community. i feel like the kid sitting on the sidelines cuz i didn't get picked. and i am an adult. sucks.

bounce bounce bounce

I cannot wait for this weekend to begin so I can muck about in my yard and enjoy nature.

Farmers Market tomorrow, family fun on Sunday.

on a sad note: I am not going to IMsL. This truly does sadden me because some incredibly fantastic, sexy peeps are going from here. Not to mention some sweet peeps I know and some I would like to know. The very words Butch.Boi.Slumber.Party. make me want to squeal.

Please to have fun on my behalfs all of you that is going. I waiting for you to come back.

to everyone on my LJ

i don't post anymore. but i might at some point. at any rate, i want each of you to know that reading your posts makes me happy, makes me laugh, makes me think, makes me cry, makes me nod my head in agreement, enlightens me, challenges me, makes me smile.

thank you. big love.

expect the unexpected

sometimes there are no surprises.  your assessment of a situation is bang on, whether you want it to be or not.  (shrug).

sometimes fun surprises happen and it's kinda like Rip Torn busting in and throwing confetti everywhere. 

someone that i have a crush on contacted me after not being in touch for several months.  i had worried and fretted a little when i emailed with no response and then i texted to get a reply that was not their phone number anymore.  i worried they did not want to be in touch with me.  then i let it go -  what could i do about that anyway?

they replied to my two-month old email the other day.  they have been thinking about me too.  they have been going through some tough stuff also and took a break.  they are glad to still be on my radar.  i hope we can get together soon.

i do a happy dance now.

Wreck Beach today

It was good to be naked in the sun with nice people.  The weather was stellar, the water was cold, the vendors were out in full force, so were the cops.  Got a good base tan to build on.

Listening to Janis.  Thanks Iisz.

mother's day

I forgot to mention during the weekend of Mayhem Sunday was mom's day.  My girls had gone to spend the day with their dad, bro's and step-mom.  I took a break from Mayhem and stopped in at home.  As soon as I walked in the door, there was a note posted from the kids saying "Happy Mother's Day".  I walked into the kitchen; another note.  The livingroom, the bathroom, they were everywhere.  What a cute surprise.


i am excited for Mayhem.  very excited.  plans are a-foot for Saturday night and the best part is, I don't know all that is planned.  I am happy and scared.  I might wet my pants.  But in a totally good way.

go grasshopper, go!

i am learning, listening, loving more.  lately i am sleeping less (pout).  i have plans but my actions are a little haphazard.  i am thoughtful on fixing that.

I don't call, I don't write

I don't post much lately but I do catch up on my reading maybe once a week so I may be a little late and more than a dollar short, but I still like to know what everyone is up to.

Had a quiet easter weekend; some of it with kids, some with dates.

Waves hi to everyone here.   

But I don't have much to say.  Ask me in person if you wants to know.  It's cool.

It's been a while

and with my lips curled a little downward i can say the last couple of months have been quite difficult.  they have also been magical and at times i have wanted to share things but savored them for myself instead.

i am:
  • laughing alot
  • crying too
  • doing poly
  • catching up with some people
  • missing others
  • doing really hard grown up stuff
  • every now and then doing nothing at all
  • involved with someone new
  • working on changes with someone else
  • not exercising hardly one bit
  • losing a little weight anyhow (shrugs)
  • feeling mostly very pretty
  • working hard
  • playing harder
  • loving and being loved
  • parenting me girls through it all
  • giving in and letting people help me too
  • listening to great music
  • going on adventures
  • planning a special adventure
  • smiling
  • laughing til my sides hurt
  • getting beat til my sides hurt
  • enjoying new experiences
  • remembering old experiences
Was in Seattle this past weekend.  First time at the Spot.  Bottomed and had a fantastic time.  Looking forward to going back soon.  I am thinking about and loving many of you.  In my heart.  On my mind.  Thank you.